On our way to Minnesota I saw this billboard…
“Smile! Your mother was pro life”
I am thankful that my mother was. I have letters from my father when my mother was pregnant with me and there were discussions on what they should do. My fathers words were basically no way would abortion be an option. Being that it was in 1974 (ok, you can calculate if you want :)) it might have seemed like the easy way out. But they chose life.
I think about all that have chose life, I dare say none have regretted that choice. But the simple choice I made leaves unending regret.
But please KNOW that through this regret, I am able to find redemption over and over again. I feel it when I talk with other women in my shoes. I see it when I can help someone else make an informed decision.
I choose to LIVE each and every day I have left.
Today I learned that some believe that a child in the womb is a parasite. That until it breathes it’s first breath that is all it is.
I have to imagine that mothers excited to be pregnant and starting their family, this is probably not what they are thinking. I am certain that when they see their ultrasound pictures that is not what they see.
We see what we want to see. The pregnant woman sees their child. The abortion minded woman or pro-choice advocate does not want to see it as a baby.
I deal in truth and sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes we have lied so much to ourselves that uncovering and facing this truth is painful. But it is exactly in these painful moments that strengthen us.
Recently I watched a video called “The Silent Scream” I am not going to post it here because it is one of those things you have to be prepared to watch (you can watch it on youtube). An abortionist recorded an ultrasound guided abortion and when he and his nurse reviewed the tape they were so affected by what they saw neither one performed an abortion again.
I have come a long way from when I had my abortion almost 20 years ago. But when I watched this video it really showed me what I did. I watched as the fetus moved away from the instruments. It had nowhere to hide. It broke my heart what my child had to endure.
I don’t think this is a political issue. This is a human issue. When we lie to ourselves we only cover up layers with more layers.
The truth changes us. When we know the truth it can set us free.
Posted in Abortion, Politics, Truth
Tagged Abortion, baby parasite, fetus, humanity, layers, lies, parasite, pro choice, pro life, the silent scream, truth, ultrasound guided abortion
This is a beautiful story…
A young girl finds herself pregnant at 13 years old. Her mother sends her to an abortion clinic. She has the abortion. But finds out later that she is still pregnant.
She was carrying twins.
She chose life for the second child.
The video story is told from that child’s perspective.
Posted in Abortion, Forgiveness, Hope, Testimony, Truth
Tagged Abortion, choice, forgiveness, hope, life, pregnant at 13, pro choice, pro life, twins
I really didn’t want to make a third post about this, but I was a little surprised by my anger in my last post (that my sister insisted was not there). But maybe it was inside me. I have been thinking things through and I sorted out my feelings and have come to this conclusion.
It is not a game.
I guess by holding these “a-thon’s” to help pay for abortions it was like they were being flippant about it. Like it’s no big deal.
You can be pro-life or pro-choice but you need to know this is not a game. These are real people making hard choices about their future. Some don’t know that this one decision could change their lives. There might be relief initially. But then comes the hurt, pain, destruction, guilt, consequences. No one wakes up and wants to be faced with this decision.
Those of us who have made that choice know it can come out of fear, guilt, excuses, selfishness. We don’t want to talk about it and share. When we are in a room of women we wonder if anyone can tell that we have had one. We look at other women and wonder if they have had one. The reality of it is that we think we are all alone. It didn’t matter that I saw all those women in the clinic. Deep down I only see my hurt and pain and I can’t focus on someone else’s. We built our own prison walls and sealed ourselves inside. We need to know that we are not alone: 43% of all women will have had at least one abortion by the time they are 45.
If you would have told me I would be blogging about this I would have thought you were crazy. This is personal and private and yet I felt there was a need to share my journey.
My abortion was in 1993 (see my story). I started this journey of healing in 2004 and 8 years later I am still healing. Sometimes the pain is still raw. When I go to the doctor for my routine checkup I am instantly back in the clinic on the stainless steel table with the thin paper beneath me, my feet in the stirrups and the whirring sound of the vacuum machine. I feel trapped. I panic. I start crying. After telling friends how I have avoided this checkup for years they encouraged me to share this with my doctor. So I did and she was quick about it and made it easier. But I still dread going back. Sometimes this pain is so deep you don’t know when it is going to bubble up.
But for me, even amidst the pain, I know I am healed, forgiven, redeemed. I know that God has filled this emptiness with a purpose. To talk about it with other women like me. To comfort and journey along side these women and see them hold hold their head high and know they too are forgiven. To help them surrender their secret.
Posted in Abortion, Anger, Forgiveness, Hope, Politics, Testimony, Truth
Tagged Abortion, consequences, destruction, guilt, hard choices, healing, journey, pain, pap smear, pro choice, pro life, selfish
A lot of pro-choice supporters think they are pro-woman. This is a misconception. The truth is that an abortion causes more hurt, regret, shame than any pregnancy would have caused.
Clearly I have been on the other side of this choice and have experienced all of these emotions. I have not been alone. I see other women who show up to our Surrendering the Secret bible study and I watch the transformation. We go through the weeks and share our secret. We face the truth. We deal with our anger. We experience and extend our forgiveness. We are climbing the mountain.
Then suddenly it happens.
They arrive after the lesson on forgiveness and you can see the burden has started to lift. The have a smile that reaches their eyes and they seem to breath easier, unafraid.
I am amazed every time. I know its going to happen. I know we are working toward this change. But I’m blessed that can I witness this over and over. I am in awe of the power God has in our lives and how he leads us and ultimately shows us himself.
Posted in Abortion, Anger, Forgiveness, Hope, Truth
Tagged Abortion, choices, lies, pro choice, pro life, pro woman, surrendering the secret, transformation
I want to start a new series called “truth of the week”. I will try and post some sort of truth dealing with the facts or stats of abortion.
I hear a lot of people who are in favor of abortion and it’s usually because of the health of the mother, or in cases of rape. So I thought I would start with these stats…
Reasons why women have abortions:
75% said their baby would interfere with their lives
66% said they couldn’t afford a child
50% didn’t want to be a mother at the time
4% had a doctor who said their health would worsen with a baby
1% had a fetal abnormality
1% were victims of rape or incest
I know when I first learned of these percentages, I was surprised by the low stats of rape/incest and also the mothers health. When you look at the numbers that argument doesn’t stand up.
(stats from Alan Guttmacher Institute)
Pro-Choice vs. Pro-Life. I believe if you listen to each side of the issue you will find that we have more in common than we think. Each of us stand for what we believe in. Some for the life of the woman, others for the life of the child. Some don’t want to go to “back alley abortions”. They think legal abortion is the only answer.
I have been on the other side, walking into an abortion clinic and been given no options. No warnings that told me what I would feel like afterward. What I would feel like years from then. That I would be almost 40 and childless, with a part of me that longs to hold a piece of myself that God created and knit together; yet another part of me is scared that would happen. When I hear a woman talk about her abortion she will inevitably say, “I felt like I had no choice.”
To me, pro-choice…just doesn’t exist. It’s more like “It’s ok. Choose abortion”.
On the pro-life side there are many great people that I have had the privilege to work with. We stand quietly on the sidewalk and ask the women if they would like information, if they want to talk to anyone. We would do anything. I remember one night a lady came to talk to us and among many reasons for her abortion, one was she didn’t have a crib. One of us left and bought her a crib. But then there is the other side of pro-life. The side with bloody posters and graphic pictures. Sign that tell the women she is going to Hell and that she is a murderer. They shout at the women entering the clinic knowing nothing of what has brought her here. No compassion. Others murder doctors and bomb clinics in the name of God and the pro-life movement. This does not promote the life that they say they stand for.
I think it’s our duty on the pro-life side to follow along side these women that choose life. Not just thank them and toss them aside and hope they make it. We throw them dresser showers and are there when their babies are born. I hear so many heart warming stories of life. Life for the child and life for the mother. We also need to be there for the woman that makes a mistake. We should be there to pick her up and dust her off. Show compassion.
We all have choices in life. We can choose to rob the corner store because we need money. We can choose to jump out of a window because life has gotten too much to bear. And because it’s legal, it is a woman right to choose abortion. But I think it’s also her right to know her options, and it’s her right to know what will happen to her, and to the child.
Life is full of choices…choose wisely.