Tag Archives: light

the Word

You have given all that you are and all that you have
that you might save a wandering soul like me
All I have to do is ask and receive this simple gift
But yet I keep wandering, searching, and looking
in everything and everyone I meet
Fooling myself that I might find what I seek
and yet in the end I turn to you because to my heart
You hold the key and you hold the power to unlock the
darkened caverns of my past
You alone can repair and bring into the light the darkness
That keeps me captive in my own selfish prison
Your word is living, alive, and active
Your word is like a double-edged sword
It can slice through the lies that I have been tortured with for so long
It can replace the lies with your truth
I feel I am on the path towards freedom—leaving these things behind
Things that I have held on to for so long
I turn around and watch them disappear into your blinding light
I feel your warmth surround me as the layers slowly drip off me
Tumbling back into the darkness from where they came
I am lost without you and with you I will never be lost again
Who am I to punish myself—what pride must I have to not
Accept this gift of freedom, a simple gift that cost your life
What love you must have, your life for mine
I accept this gift of forgiveness that is worth more than riches
It’s worth more than life itself because in believing I can truly live
Knit me back together for I am in your womb now
knit me so that I am whole again—so that I may be who you created me to be
You heard my fits of rage
You see the horrors in my mind
You felt my pain and agony
You heard me when I cried out
You walked in my shoes
You were tortured
You were crucified
You were beaten
Yet you endured it all for me
You saved me
You freed me
You forgave me
You love me
You are Jesus Christ the son of the Living God

John 1:1-5

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.



I was once afraid.  My secret held tight in the depths of my soul.  I felt defined by it.  Everything I did or didn’t do seemed to wrap around the one choice I made in my life when I was eighteen.

But then I found freedom.  Freedom in healing. Freedom in the shadow of the wings God promised to shelter me with.  Freedom in sharing this secret.

I have learned though that there are still others who fear.  Others that don’t want to be involved in such a “political” issue.  I see it less as a political issue and more like a human issue.

I shout out my life, my experience, my emotions.  I shout out what God has done for me.  Others seek the darkness and shadows out of fear.  I continue to seek the light.  Because in the light I don’t have to hide or pretend.  In the light I am free to live.  In the light God’s grace is real and far reaching.

In the light I will continue to stomp fear.

the box

Words swirling and burning in my mind.  There is so much passion behind the words I try to convey. I know not what I say only that I write it and not speak it.  I am trying to ride one emotion at a time, but they continue to bombard me left and right leaving me tired and let down.  The journey continues while I wait, watch, and wonder.  I am trapped inside this box.

I cry but no one comes, I scream and still no one hears.  My tears fall silently.  I stare at the walls of my heart hoping to find some good, something of value, but I come up empty.  I see how the years of abuse have left me with firmly planted walls.  How to even begin to repair the mess that life has left me?  I am lost, my heart is heavy within me.  My tears pool around me.  I continue to weep.

The top of the box is opening I can see the lid being lifted up.  I want to jump and escape, but I am still trapped.  Only now I feel tiny rays of light piercing the thick blackness I have been blanketed in.  They completely shatter the past.  The torn parts seem to almost melt together in the intense light.  Things begin to look a little better.  I yearn for the light all at once, but only tiny beams break through.  A laser zapping away the broken, hurt, dark and empty spaces.  I do not fear, I am bathed in the warm light.  I am being filled and healed by my true Father.

I am no longer contained.