Tag Archives: journal

be intentional

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There have been a recent string of deaths of people who in different ways touched my life.  Some weren’t people that I new well, but I interacted with each of them in different ways.

A couple of them have died so young.  It really made me think about how important it is to to make the best of my time here on earth.

Life is a tender delicate string of reality that we cling to.  

I heard someone say, “We make the most out of our time when we have the least to spare.”  That is true for me.  When I only have a few minutes before someone is coming over, it’s amazing how much I can quickly get done around the house.  I used to write daily for 15 minutes.  Sometimes I was able to get more done in those focused 15 minutes than the other times when I had an hour or two to spare.

For the past couple of years, I have picked a word for the year.  This year my word is intentional.  This word coincides with how I have been feeling lately.  I want to be more intentional with how I spend my time, with the food I put in my mouth, with keeping up in my relationships with others, and with what I spend my money on.

In life, I don’t want to live with regrets.  I want to Be Intentional.

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welcome

img_8447Welcome to Rebekah’s Hope.  I started this blog as my healing journey through my past abortion (nearly 25 years ago).  While I will always deal with the consequences of that day, God has truly used my experience for His glory.

If you’d like to read more of my story

Part One

Part Two

If you’d like to learn more about the Garden of Hope

GOH

My author website

mlalvarez

a prayer

August, 2004
Dear Lord,

Every time I look back on that day, I cringe.  I am instantly transformed to that helpless girl who couldn’t stand up for herself and her child.  I wish that I could replace that girl with who I have become since, but I can’t.  Lord, it is only through your strength that I can bear to acknowledge that I killed my own baby.  Regardless of how I saw it then or how I rationalize it now, it was murder.  I think about the tiny innocent child that you had begun to form inside me.  I think about  the decision to rip it from my womb.  I feel as if I am on the outside looking in.  Who was I then?  Who am I now?  Please help me to grieve, help me to release myself from the prison I have placed myself in.  Who am I to think that I could punish myself better than you can.  I am so scared to feel the pain, scared to feel the agony, scared to admit I am helpless.  You are a just GOD and I place myself at your mercy and grace.  Fill me with peace, wash me completely of this sin.  Deliver me from the evil that has such a tight grasp on me.  I thank you for all that you are, all that you have been, and all that you will be.

-Amen

notes from the sidewalk

I came across my journal I started when my sister and I did sidewalk counseling at our local abortion clinic.  This entry is one that still haunts and comforts me.  I can still see their faces.  It was the first time anyone had yelled at me or done anything to me.  I knew it happened, it just hadn’t happened to me.  But as I read the entry I realized that those words and actions of two girls overshadowed the real story.  The story of the young girl who chose life.


April 22, 2005
The words “Piss off Bitch”  still echo in my ears and the pang still remains that stabbed in my heart as the evil words rolled off her tongue.

Tonight I tried to have a positive attitude and try something a little different to draw these women toward us.  Asking them if they wanted information just didn’t seem to be working.  So we tried, “please take my information.”  But it didn’t seem to work either.  It didn’t work with the young girl the brought her mother and boyfriend as she flipped us off going into the clinic.  It didn’t work with the young lady who tortured me with her dark empty words.  Later the young girls mother and boyfriend walked out of the clinic and I blurted, “she needs you in there.”  But they got in their van and left the poor dear in there by herself.  I would be surprised if she was 16.

A young lady who refused our information earlier came out from the clinic and walked toward us.  She asked us what our information was about.  She unraveled her story that her friend was just getting an ultrasound.  We heard it all before so we nodded, but knowing what she was really there for.  She talked with us a while telling us how evil it was in there and would we mind if she talked with us out here.  She told us that her friend promised she wouldn’t get an abortion and that she didn’t agree with it.  She just wanted an ultrasound.

True to her word her friend walked out of the clinic and she went to meet her.  We ran to our car to get a baby gift bag we give to the women who choose life.  They came toward us with the ultrasound picture.  She was 4 1/2 months pregnant.  She was scared to tell her parents, but was keeping her baby.  We handed the gift bag to her friend and they went to the car to go home. 

We heart a loud squeal inside the car after her friend had given her the bag.  She came out and gave us both a hug – she said thank-you so much and said we were all very sweet.  It was a pleasant way to end the night and outweighed all that had happened earlier.  Praise God – He is so faithful!!

Our past is littered with good and bad experiences.  Learn what you can from the bad.  But choose to remember the good!