Tag Archives: Jesus

i consider it all loss

Philippians 3:8

More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,

I was talking with my aunt last night and we were going over our family tree for some relatives in the Netherlands.  It was not just names, but stories that came out and we both commented how history had a way of repeating itself throughout the years.

We talked about choices, but this morning I started thinking more of the choices I made and how each of them impacted and ultimately brought me to where I am.  It can get a little depressing when you start thinking of all the “if only’s”.

But am I unhappy with me now?  The real answer is no.

This led me to wonder if I did make all the choices I think I should have made…I, possibly, wouldn’t have made the one choice I have NEVER regretted which was Jesus.

A lot of choices in my life have left me empty, alone, beaten, raped, violated, and dejected.  But choosing Jesus filled me up, gave me hope, and a future.

All this brings me to the verse that popped into my head and brought everything together (that, and these two rainbows I saw this morning).  I consider everything loss except for choosing Christ; I cling to that truth, because it’s the only truth that has not broken.  It’s remained faithful and strong.  I can’t say I wouldn’t have ended up where I am now.  But it does make it easier to not regret, but be thankful for all that has gotten me to this point.


the Word

You have given all that you are and all that you have
that you might save a wandering soul like me
All I have to do is ask and receive this simple gift
But yet I keep wandering, searching, and looking
in everything and everyone I meet
Fooling myself that I might find what I seek
and yet in the end I turn to you because to my heart
You hold the key and you hold the power to unlock the
darkened caverns of my past
You alone can repair and bring into the light the darkness
That keeps me captive in my own selfish prison
Your word is living, alive, and active
Your word is like a double-edged sword
It can slice through the lies that I have been tortured with for so long
It can replace the lies with your truth
I feel I am on the path towards freedom—leaving these things behind
Things that I have held on to for so long
I turn around and watch them disappear into your blinding light
I feel your warmth surround me as the layers slowly drip off me
Tumbling back into the darkness from where they came
I am lost without you and with you I will never be lost again
Who am I to punish myself—what pride must I have to not
Accept this gift of freedom, a simple gift that cost your life
What love you must have, your life for mine
I accept this gift of forgiveness that is worth more than riches
It’s worth more than life itself because in believing I can truly live
Knit me back together for I am in your womb now
knit me so that I am whole again—so that I may be who you created me to be
You heard my fits of rage
You see the horrors in my mind
You felt my pain and agony
You heard me when I cried out
You walked in my shoes
You were tortured
You were crucified
You were beaten
Yet you endured it all for me
You saved me
You freed me
You forgave me
You love me
You are Jesus Christ the son of the Living God

John 1:1-5

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.


I would be remiss if i didn’t mention the Garden of Hope before I go any further with this blog.  I truly believe they were surmount in my healing journey.

The Garden of Hope is just that.  A. GARDEN. OF. HOPE.