Tag Archives: healing

bandaids

photoJeremiah 6:14  “They have healed the brokenness of my people superficially saying peace, peace but there is  no peace.”

This verse is in our Surrendering the Secret bible study.  I have facilitated this study about 7 times.  I have read the same words over and over.  Yet I was struck this time around by the truth of this verse.

After the abortion they put a bandaid on us and sent us back out.

We are not the same women that walked through the door looking for a solution.  We are different.  Hemorrhaging inside.

Peace they told us.  It’s just a blob of tissue they said.

But there was no peace.

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violent past

I just finished writing a short story that I submitted to a contest today.  The whole story came from a smaller event that was actually true.  It was something I stuffed deep and one day it surfaced.

When  a friend was reading this story, I explained that this part was actually true.  He was angry for me.  It was comforting in a way, but also disturbing.  I was disturbed that I had hid it away, and just chocked it up to something normal that happens.  But it wasn’t and my story brought out this injustice.  I locked the truth so tight that I could almost imagine it hadn’t happened at all.

We all hide different things in our past and press them down under layers.  It’s not easy to talk about our stories because sometimes they are ugly, bloody scabs that try to heal but they don’t because we haven’t let them.  We rip off the bandaid and put something on top of it that just ends up infecting it worse.

I have another friend that likens the process to peeling off the layers of an onion, we deal with one thing at a time until we finally come to the core.  It think that best describes the post abortion healing process.  We peel back these layers and deal with one aspect of the abortion at a time.  It allows for God’s healing to soak in.

Like my friend, I am angry for you if you have had an abortion.  I want to fight for you and your feelings.  I want you to be able to surrender this secret.  To not be held captive by it any longer.  Break the chains that define and bind you!

multiple abortions

I was thinking the other day and it struck me.  I don’t think I have written about women who have had multiple abortions.

From some of the groups I have led, there have been plenty of women that have had multiple abortions.  I have seen the shame and heartache on their faces.  I have heard the despair in their voices when they tell us that they were only going to admit to the one abortion and keep the 2nd or 3rd a secret.  They tell me that they feel lower than a woman who has had only one abortion.

This is simply not true!

Luckily one of our leaders has had multiple abortions and also a lady on the video  we watch shares her experience and that allows these women to open up and speak about it.  It is part of them and their story and as equally important in their healing.

There is hope and forgiveness.  It is the same for you as it was for me.  I speak about my experience that happens to only include one abortion.  It is a miracle that is all I had.  I was by no means responsible and could have easily put myself in a situation where I would have to make that choice again.

We might look different, but we are the same.

a new perspective

This summer I was privileged to be on the other side of our Surrendering the Secret groups.  I was not leading one, but I was able to serve in a different way by making goodies a couple times for their meetings and last weekend my friend and I made dinner for their retreat on Friday night.

It was a strange feeling being a part of it, yet being removed from the lessons, the stories, the journey.

While the women were eating their dinner in the other room there was a lot of talking and laughter and though I didn’t know anything of what brought them to this point, I smile knowing the path to healing they are on and the weight that has been lifted up.

It was a wonderful blessing to still be a part of it, but in a different way.

healing has begun

 

oaks of righteousness

They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.  Isaiah 61:3b

Strength is what I long for on the days when inside I feel alone and weak.  When my emotions run high or low and nothing can comfort.  When there are no words and I have no confidence.  The days I want to give up and just go to bed.  When nothing seems right and every step wrong.

It’s in these moments, or in the days to come when I remember this verse that I love.  I want to be an oak.  Strong, sturdy, able to withstand the wind and fire.  To bring new life every spring and to rest every winter.   I want my roots to bury deeper into the knowledge of God and my branches reach out to shelter and comfort others.  I realize that I cannot do this on my own, my strength is at best weak.  I need to remember to call upon the one that healed me and comforted me in my time of need when no one else could.  When no one could say the words I needed to hear.  I heard His words.

My healing journey hasn’t been easy and it still continues, but the truth God has imparted on me remains a constant.  I have received beauty from the ashes, freedom for the captives, comfort for my mourning, my broken heart bound.  He has restored the places long devastated, rebuilt the ancient ruins.  He loved me when I was nothing and raised me up out of the miry pit and put my feet upon solid ground.  He gave me life when I was dead.  Yes, that is what I want to remember.

purpose

I am reminded once again how such a curse in my life turned into a blessing.

I know it sounds strange, but in some ways I am thankful to be able to relate to other women that have had an abortion.  To be able to say I have been there and you will be ok.  Yes it’s not easy, yes it will always be there.  But…you are not alone.  What you are feeling is normal.  There is healing on the other side.  There is hope.

I have met so many beautiful people and I don’t mean just on the outside, but on the inside.  Beautiful women that one desperate choice left them hurting and alone in their pain and shame.

There are a lot of things we do out of fear.  I want to conquer that fear with every woman I talk with.

I pray I honor my child with every woman I meet.