Tag Archives: death

be intentional


There have been a recent string of deaths of people who in different ways touched my life.  Some weren’t people that I new well, but I interacted with each of them in different ways.

A couple of them have died so young.  It really made me think about how important it is to to make the best of my time here on earth.

Life is a tender delicate string of reality that we cling to.  

I heard someone say, “We make the most out of our time when we have the least to spare.”  That is true for me.  When I only have a few minutes before someone is coming over, it’s amazing how much I can quickly get done around the house.  I used to write daily for 15 minutes.  Sometimes I was able to get more done in those focused 15 minutes than the other times when I had an hour or two to spare.

For the past couple of years, I have picked a word for the year.  This year my word is intentional.  This word coincides with how I have been feeling lately.  I want to be more intentional with how I spend my time, with the food I put in my mouth, with keeping up in my relationships with others, and with what I spend my money on.

In life, I don’t want to live with regrets.  I want to Be Intentional.


life is beautiful at any age

I went to see my grandma this week. It is hard to see her because the person we remember is fading from us. This time was especially hard because it was the first time she didn’t recognize me.

I am reminded that EVERY life is beautiful. I know it’s hard to watch what she is going through.  But despite this, I believe there are life lessons to be learned. Some may say it would be easier to put her to death…out of her misery.  But who says she is miserable.  She seemed somewhat content with her thoughts and surroundings.  We have an idea in our head what makes up a real life and we look at others who may have less and we wonder why were they ever born…they can’t do this or that.

Each of us is important.  Each of us has a purpose for our lives no matter how short or long we live.  No matter what imperfections we face.  We were all meant for greatness.

She is still teaching me something. How important it is to be faithful. To live in the moments we are given. To be present with those we love. Life is fleeting.  Those of us who still have breath should choose to live!

put it on a billboard!

We (Garden of Hope) are currently in a billboard campaign in our city.  We want to reach out to the women (and men) who are suffering from having one or multiple abortions.  We want them to know we are out there.  We know.  We care.

No Judgement
No Condemnation

Just Compassion
Just Love
Just Comfort
Just Healing
Just Hope

oaks of righteousness

They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.  Isaiah 61:3b

Strength is what I long for on the days when inside I feel alone and weak.  When my emotions run high or low and nothing can comfort.  When there are no words and I have no confidence.  The days I want to give up and just go to bed.  When nothing seems right and every step wrong.

It’s in these moments, or in the days to come when I remember this verse that I love.  I want to be an oak.  Strong, sturdy, able to withstand the wind and fire.  To bring new life every spring and to rest every winter.   I want my roots to bury deeper into the knowledge of God and my branches reach out to shelter and comfort others.  I realize that I cannot do this on my own, my strength is at best weak.  I need to remember to call upon the one that healed me and comforted me in my time of need when no one else could.  When no one could say the words I needed to hear.  I heard His words.

My healing journey hasn’t been easy and it still continues, but the truth God has imparted on me remains a constant.  I have received beauty from the ashes, freedom for the captives, comfort for my mourning, my broken heart bound.  He has restored the places long devastated, rebuilt the ancient ruins.  He loved me when I was nothing and raised me up out of the miry pit and put my feet upon solid ground.  He gave me life when I was dead.  Yes, that is what I want to remember.

EVERY life

Every life is beautiful and sacred.

When I say every life, I mean EVERY life.  Our prisons are full of felons, many who have committed heinous crimes.  There are those that have risen to power and committed murderous acts in the name of religion and race.


There are those who have chosen to put others above themselves.  Like a young girl that collected money to help those who don’t have clean drinking water.  People that use their time to mentor young boys and girls.  A man that was born with no arms or legs and lives his life to inspire others.  We all have something in common.

We were given a chance.

So when I think about the 54 million children that have been lost to abortion we can’t know what each of those children represent other than a life that never got a chance and a woman that was deeply wounded by her choice(s).

There are those that fight for a woman’s right and want to give her power over her body.   After you have your abortion they might let you cry on their shoulder, but eventually they tell you to get over it.  They minimize the pain and loss that can be felt years after an abortion.  Why did I suffer in silence?  Because at the core of my being, I knew what I did was wrong.  I knew it, but denied it.  This choice is not something you are proud of or want to admit to anyone.  So in the end it becomes a secret.

It wasn’t meant to be our decision to say this one can live and this one can’t.  I don’t know what each of the 54 million lives would have represented, but I do know that behind each of them was a woman.  These are the women I want to embrace and speak truth to.  I want to cry with them, share with them that I have been there and give them hope for their future.

the truth

This week in our group we come to the truth about our abortion.  This can be the hardest part of the journey.  You know the truth…more like you THINK you know the truth.  But then it comes out of nowhere and slaps you in the face.

You. Took. A. Life.

You hear what you want to hear.  It’s tissue, it won’t hurt it.  But then there is this deep loss in your soul.  A pain you can’t quite put your finger on it.  How do you explain that away?  How do we reconcile that this “tissue” will be able to grow and live, but this “tissue” is sentenced to death?

I pray for the doctors and nurses that provide these services.  They see the truth every day.  They are the ones that have to count the parts of the body and make sure there are no parts left inside the woman.  Parts.  Think about that.

My baby was aborted at 9 weeks…I even had morning sickness…I had to hide all this from my coworkers at a daycare.  The truth staring me in the face everyday…but I ignored it.

Here are some other truths:

At 19 days the heart begins to beat
At 35 days eyes start to develop and 40 pairs of muscles are present
At 42 days brain waves are detectable
At 49 days the skeletal system is developed.  The baby appears as a miniature doll with complete fingers, toes, and ears.
At 56 days all organs are functioning
At 9th and 10th weeks teeth begin to form, fingernails develop, and the baby squints, swallows, retracts tongue
At the 11th and 12th weeks the baby can grasp objects placed in the hand, hiccups, and recoils from pain
At 13 weeks the babies sex is identifiable
At weeks 16-20 the baby hears external voices, sleeps, and dreams
At 21 weeks a child can survive birth

The truth can set you free…


Tomorrow is Sanctity of Life Sunday.  I am a bit nervous because I will be speaking to my church and explaining the post abortion ministry I’m a part of.  When I was preparing for this, I remembered a story told to us by Pat Layton (who wrote the Bible Study “Surrendering the Secret”).

There was a pastor who wanted to help Pat with the abortion ministry.  He decided to have a luncheon and invited every pastor he could think of.  Pat warned him, because she knew how people tend to shy away from anything having to do with abortion.  They are scared to take a stand.

Well, he came to the luncheon and no one showed up.  He was so upset, he went home, took out a map and began coloring in the states.  The next morning he preached to his congregation and showed them the map.  Based on the number of reported abortions, he had a map that represented all the states that would have been lost to abortion since 1973.  All these states would be wiped out.  It’s amazing to me that we have lost so much, but we still turn our head.