Tag Archives: beauty from ashes

fractured revisited

GGma 3 - Version 2

I was thinking about my last post and it’s hard to articulate the deep loss I felt that day.  It was like the tears were this sort of vomit that came from the deepest parts of me.

Fractured.

We are locked in our own prison, dead and dying on the inside while on the outside you would never know.

Fractured.

We have learned to hide it so well.  We have glued our happy mannequin mask on tight.  Living day to day…but inside there is a constant battle raging.

Fractured.

In my brokenness I was held captive by my thoughts that filled the empty void:  Hopelessness.  Worthlessness.  Shame.  Judgement

Fractured.

One day the light broke in through the darkness and mercy and grace poured on me.  Like a puzzle, God put me back together.

*****

The picture above is a sewing table from my Great Grandmother.  The top of it was wood and was peeling from a lot of water damage.  I had a table from my other Great Grandmother that had this beautiful tile on it, but it was also broken.  I put them together and made a beautiful top for my sewing table.

It is in the fractures and wounds of my life that I have found the most beauty, growth and HOPE.

when i was post abortive

MICHELLE-26

The most incredible thing happened to me this week.  I was in a meeting and explaining my road from being a sidewalk counselor to developing a heart and compassion for the post abortive woman.

I said, “when I was post abortive.”

Those words just came out of my mouth and it took a bit before my mind caught up to them.

Obviously, I am still post abortive, but the implications…

Does this mean that I am no longer choosing it to define me?  Am I no longer bound by its ugly ties.  Is it possible that I am experiencing another aspect of freedom from it?

I like thinking I’m no longer post abortive.  There is more to me than that dark day.  The dark cloud looming overhead no longer defines me, but who I am in Christ gives me HOPE and a FUTURE free from this terrible choice I made.

I AM BEAUTY FROM ASHES IN THE FLESH!

oaks of righteousness

They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.  Isaiah 61:3b

Strength is what I long for on the days when inside I feel alone and weak.  When my emotions run high or low and nothing can comfort.  When there are no words and I have no confidence.  The days I want to give up and just go to bed.  When nothing seems right and every step wrong.

It’s in these moments, or in the days to come when I remember this verse that I love.  I want to be an oak.  Strong, sturdy, able to withstand the wind and fire.  To bring new life every spring and to rest every winter.   I want my roots to bury deeper into the knowledge of God and my branches reach out to shelter and comfort others.  I realize that I cannot do this on my own, my strength is at best weak.  I need to remember to call upon the one that healed me and comforted me in my time of need when no one else could.  When no one could say the words I needed to hear.  I heard His words.

My healing journey hasn’t been easy and it still continues, but the truth God has imparted on me remains a constant.  I have received beauty from the ashes, freedom for the captives, comfort for my mourning, my broken heart bound.  He has restored the places long devastated, rebuilt the ancient ruins.  He loved me when I was nothing and raised me up out of the miry pit and put my feet upon solid ground.  He gave me life when I was dead.  Yes, that is what I want to remember.