On our way to Minnesota I saw this billboard…
“Smile! Your mother was pro life”
I am thankful that my mother was. I have letters from my father when my mother was pregnant with me and there were discussions on what they should do. My fathers words were basically no way would abortion be an option. Being that it was in 1974 (ok, you can calculate if you want :)) it might have seemed like the easy way out. But they chose life.
I think about all that have chose life, I dare say none have regretted that choice. But the simple choice I made leaves unending regret.
But please KNOW that through this regret, I am able to find redemption over and over again. I feel it when I talk with other women in my shoes. I see it when I can help someone else make an informed decision.
I choose to LIVE each and every day I have left.
Today I learned that some believe that a child in the womb is a parasite. That until it breathes it’s first breath that is all it is.
I have to imagine that mothers excited to be pregnant and starting their family, this is probably not what they are thinking. I am certain that when they see their ultrasound pictures that is not what they see.
We see what we want to see. The pregnant woman sees their child. The abortion minded woman or pro-choice advocate does not want to see it as a baby.
I deal in truth and sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes we have lied so much to ourselves that uncovering and facing this truth is painful. But it is exactly in these painful moments that strengthen us.
Recently I watched a video called “The Silent Scream” I am not going to post it here because it is one of those things you have to be prepared to watch (you can watch it on youtube). An abortionist recorded an ultrasound guided abortion and when he and his nurse reviewed the tape they were so affected by what they saw neither one performed an abortion again.
I have come a long way from when I had my abortion almost 20 years ago. But when I watched this video it really showed me what I did. I watched as the fetus moved away from the instruments. It had nowhere to hide. It broke my heart what my child had to endure.
I don’t think this is a political issue. This is a human issue. When we lie to ourselves we only cover up layers with more layers.
The truth changes us. When we know the truth it can set us free.
Posted in Abortion, Politics, Truth
Tagged Abortion, baby parasite, fetus, humanity, layers, lies, parasite, pro choice, pro life, the silent scream, truth, ultrasound guided abortion
My great grandparents immigrated from the Netherlands in the 1940’s to provide a better life for their children. My grandfather was a great story teller. I hold tight to the stories he would tell me about the old country and WWII.
It saddened me this week to find out that there is an organization founded in the Netherlands that sails around to different countries and provide abortions to women where it is illegal in their country. They keep the ship in international waters (12 miles off the shore) where the local laws do not apply.
I don’t think my grandfather would be proud.
I know they think they are doing the right thing by providing “safe” abortions. A lot of these women have been raped and tried to rid themselves of the baby by using sharp objects and other dangerous means.
There really is no such things as a safe abortion. You might solve the initial problem, but you create a bigger problem. On their website they have “Abortion Myths”…
People who are against free choice create many myths about abortion which have never been proven.
Psychological problems: for most women the decision to have an abortion is difficult and may provoke feelings of sadness or guilt. Still, most women also feel relieved afterward. There is no evidence of increased risk of long term ‘post-abortion’ stress, depression or anxiety, or any other psychological illness.
There is a lot of truth to feeling relieved afterward. Though I beg to differ that there is MORE evidence that there is such a thing as Post-Abortion stress than not. There needs to be more truth out there about what an abortion does to you. Instead they say you are not supposed to feel this way and have washed their hands of you. I am confused why they can’t validate our feelings that we did have an abortion and it was a mistake.
It is probable that you are going to feel relief initially. But a lot of you are also going to feel a sting deep in your soul. You might not even recognize it at first. It might take time. But it comes out in your actions, your thoughts, your emotions, your words. I know because it did to me. It took me ten years to finally look back and see the trail of destruction abortion left behind.
But there is always Hope. Don’t give up. Rise above those feelings and seek help and healing. There are many groups out there that can help you. There are many out there like us and it feels good to fellowship with other women who are feeling the same way.
You can find restoration and redemption. I did.
I really didn’t want to make a third post about this, but I was a little surprised by my anger in my last post (that my sister insisted was not there). But maybe it was inside me. I have been thinking things through and I sorted out my feelings and have come to this conclusion.
It is not a game.
I guess by holding these “a-thon’s” to help pay for abortions it was like they were being flippant about it. Like it’s no big deal.
You can be pro-life or pro-choice but you need to know this is not a game. These are real people making hard choices about their future. Some don’t know that this one decision could change their lives. There might be relief initially. But then comes the hurt, pain, destruction, guilt, consequences. No one wakes up and wants to be faced with this decision.
Those of us who have made that choice know it can come out of fear, guilt, excuses, selfishness. We don’t want to talk about it and share. When we are in a room of women we wonder if anyone can tell that we have had one. We look at other women and wonder if they have had one. The reality of it is that we think we are all alone. It didn’t matter that I saw all those women in the clinic. Deep down I only see my hurt and pain and I can’t focus on someone else’s. We built our own prison walls and sealed ourselves inside. We need to know that we are not alone: 43% of all women will have had at least one abortion by the time they are 45.
If you would have told me I would be blogging about this I would have thought you were crazy. This is personal and private and yet I felt there was a need to share my journey.
My abortion was in 1993 (see my story). I started this journey of healing in 2004 and 8 years later I am still healing. Sometimes the pain is still raw. When I go to the doctor for my routine checkup I am instantly back in the clinic on the stainless steel table with the thin paper beneath me, my feet in the stirrups and the whirring sound of the vacuum machine. I feel trapped. I panic. I start crying. After telling friends how I have avoided this checkup for years they encouraged me to share this with my doctor. So I did and she was quick about it and made it easier. But I still dread going back. Sometimes this pain is so deep you don’t know when it is going to bubble up.
But for me, even amidst the pain, I know I am healed, forgiven, redeemed. I know that God has filled this emptiness with a purpose. To talk about it with other women like me. To comfort and journey along side these women and see them hold hold their head high and know they too are forgiven. To help them surrender their secret.
Posted in Abortion, Anger, Forgiveness, Hope, Politics, Testimony, Truth
Tagged Abortion, consequences, destruction, guilt, hard choices, healing, journey, pain, pap smear, pro choice, pro life, selfish
Last week I took a look over some other abortion blogs both pro and anti. I like to see what people are saying. One blog led me to a website that made me sick to my stomach.
They actually hold fundraisers for abortions.
There are those that raise money to cure cancer, world hunger, and to provide clean water for those who have none. And abortions?
The site had a picture of a young woman with a big grin pointing at the bowling trophy she won. A bowl-a-thon to help provide abortion services.
Why not use the money to HELP these women rather than harm them?
There are plenty of questions with this topic and I don’t have all the answers. But I am sure that raising money for abortions is not a solution.
Abortion is Legal…yet here are some of our other laws that our government has passed.
- In California it’s illegal for a vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 miles per hour.
- In South Carolina every adult male is required to take a rifle to church on Sunday in case of attack
- In Maine it’s illegal to keep Christmas decorations up past January 14th
- In LA California a man can legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than two inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap
- In Arkansas a man can legally beat his wife but not more than once a month
- In Mobile Alabama it’s unlawful to howl at ladies inside city limits, or wear pumps with sharp heals
- In Dyersburg Tennessee it’s illegal for a woman to call a man for a date
- In Michigan a state law stipulates that a women’s hair legally belongs to her husband
- In Iowa it’s illegal to kiss longer than five minutes
- In San Francisco California it’s illegal to wipe one’s car with used underwear
- In Arkansas flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term
Every life is beautiful and sacred.
When I say every life, I mean EVERY life. Our prisons are full of felons, many who have committed heinous crimes. There are those that have risen to power and committed murderous acts in the name of religion and race.
There are those who have chosen to put others above themselves. Like a young girl that collected money to help those who don’t have clean drinking water. People that use their time to mentor young boys and girls. A man that was born with no arms or legs and lives his life to inspire others. We all have something in common.
We were given a chance.
So when I think about the 54 million children that have been lost to abortion we can’t know what each of those children represent other than a life that never got a chance and a woman that was deeply wounded by her choice(s).
There are those that fight for a woman’s right and want to give her power over her body. After you have your abortion they might let you cry on their shoulder, but eventually they tell you to get over it. They minimize the pain and loss that can be felt years after an abortion. Why did I suffer in silence? Because at the core of my being, I knew what I did was wrong. I knew it, but denied it. This choice is not something you are proud of or want to admit to anyone. So in the end it becomes a secret.
It wasn’t meant to be our decision to say this one can live and this one can’t. I don’t know what each of the 54 million lives would have represented, but I do know that behind each of them was a woman. These are the women I want to embrace and speak truth to. I want to cry with them, share with them that I have been there and give them hope for their future.