Category Archives: Forgiveness

east to west

When I am drowning in my sorrows and filled with the muck that ones life can bring I am reminded about the forgiveness in which I believe in.  This morning this song came on and I love the words and the meaning.  You can go east forever without going west and west forever without going east.  THAT is how far my sins, shortcomings, regret, pain, guilt, shame, and everything else has been cast from me.

Psalm 103:12  As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

fractured

GGma 3 - Version 2

Almost four weeks ago I broke my hand.  It has been hard to write to say the least and I wish I could say I am using the time to relax, because that was my intention.  But as always it has been busy.  My plan, I hope, is to use the last week and a half to do just that.

One thing that struck me, and is why I am telling you this, was when I left the urgent care after learning my hand was indeed broken, quite well the doctor remarked, and with the threat of surgery looming over my head, I walked out the doors and lost it.  I broke down.  I was left with overwhelming emptiness, shame, and anger.

A couple days later, I thought about it and realized that was the same feeling I felt when I left the abortion clinic.  In an instant I was brought back to that place.  I saw myself walk out those doors, and down the steps.  In that moment I felt nothing and everything.

I grieved deeply.

As I sit here and type one handed (of which I am getting really good at and thank-you spell check!), I am looking forward to the days of one-handed typing to be behind me.  But like my abortion, lessons that are harder learned will be with me forever and maybe that is a good thing for it was George Santayana who said, “those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

bandaids

photoJeremiah 6:14  “They have healed the brokenness of my people superficially saying peace, peace but there is  no peace.”

This verse is in our Surrendering the Secret bible study.  I have facilitated this study about 7 times.  I have read the same words over and over.  Yet I was struck this time around by the truth of this verse.

After the abortion they put a bandaid on us and sent us back out.

We are not the same women that walked through the door looking for a solution.  We are different.  Hemorrhaging inside.

Peace they told us.  It’s just a blob of tissue they said.

But there was no peace.

but their heart will never beat

Haunting words from a song this morning.  Just kinda hit me today…

a reason for life…but their heart will never beat

Oh what have we lost because we chose, we’ll never know
And all our claims to freedom have become these heavy chains
And in the name of rights we keep filling nameless graves

Let the tears fall down…Let them soften this ground…Let our hearts be found…

God forgive us now

 

twin lives through an abortion

This is a beautiful story…

A young girl finds herself pregnant at 13 years old.  Her mother sends her to an abortion clinic.  She has the abortion.  But finds out later that she is still pregnant.

She was carrying twins.
She chose life for the second child.

The video story is told from that child’s perspective.

more than just a child

I am privileged to work with a ministry that cares beyond the “choice”.   We understand that at the center of this there is a mother, father, and a child.  It’s more about after they have made their choice, what can we do to help them in their next step.

If she aborts we shower her with compassion, invite her to our healing groups.
If she chooses life and the circumstances are bleak we throw a shower for her.
If she needs a place to live because her family will not have her.  We have that too.  There really isn’t anything we wouldn’t do to help.

It is an honor to serve with such wonderful men and women who instead of shaming me for my choices have lavished love on me.

GOH

life slipped through my fingers

As I lay awake the other night these words in my title came to me.  It reminded me how tightly we hold on to life, but still it slips through our fingers.

Life is a beautiful gift.

I looked back to when I was a teenager and how much I wanted to be done, gone, dead.  I thought THEN people would miss me, THEN they would love me.  I didn’t realize how precious life is.  How my worth should not be found in how others view/treat me.  This week made me realize how important it is to really LOVE.  Not just say it, but do it.  (James 1:22)

A lot of important choices are made in the darkest hours of our lives.    It is what we do with the consequences of these decisions that allow us to grow.  My choice to abort left me with a deep loss in my soul.  I experienced morning sickness, the brief elation of having a child growing in me, the possible hopes and dreams.  But at the end, my hands remained empty and a part of me died that day.

Life slipped through my fingers.

But I am teachable.  As I have said this is not the end of my story, only a part of it. Real life is in all these moments that we store up and treasure and in the people we take time to get to know and love.  Real life is what we do with those choices or circumstances that break us.