Monthly Archives: September 2012

isaiah 45:10

In the shadow of an abortion clinic stands this piece of art work for an art competition in our city. Titled: Isaiah 45:10

It reminds me of my life and what I lost. The regret, emptiness, sorrow and guilt.

But there is also a completeness. My heart would not be complete if I didn’t take this experience and remember. Not just remember the bad, but embrace all the good. All the things I have learned about myself and all the things that have been refined in me.

This is why it’s so important to share my story. It’s not easy laying out every ugly scar. But tile by tile as I lay it out it begins to take shape and I begin to see something I hadn’t planned, something that is immensely more beautiful than I could have imagined. I see my pain being used by God bringing others to a place of hope.

I don’t want to hide in the shadows and slink away. I want to raise my voice and live out loud. I want you to know the depths of darkness I have been raised up from. God has used ALL things in me for such a time as this.

I will say it again and again. You are not alone.

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?”
Esther 4:14

overcome

Ever since my post on Sunday.  I dreamed this song that we had sung in church that morning.  It has been constantly rolling through my head.  I have been humming it for days now! 🙂  Specifically this part of the song…

We will overcome
by the blood of the Lamb
and the word of our testimony
everyone overcome

When we use the word of our testimony.  We overcome so much.  Whatever had power over us, by speaking it out loud we are empowered.

We overcome.

where hope floats

I have been reminded this weekend on many fronts of the importance of community and our stories.  The word of our testimony.

We. Each. Have. One.

We all have a story to tell, a story that can help someone.

It’s easy to become complacent and think your story couldn’t possibly help another soul and then I find myself in a group of ladies who are all post abortive.  They are unsure of me as I am unsure of them.  Our stories can be ugly and hard.  There are tears, bitterness, regret and plenty more tears.

I don’t want them to look at me and think she must have it all together.  It’s a good disguise, but it can only last as long as I open my mouth and the truth pours out.  I love the part where the girls relax because they know I have been where they are.  I have seen the depths of darkness.  I have felt the pain and shame that comes from abortion.

I think when we break down our walls and are vulnerable with each other our hope floats and it meets others where they are and where they need it.  Our stories intertwine and like ripples in a pond after you throw the first pebble they fan out over and over again.

Maybe just maybe I am a little better now because I also met someone that was vulnerable and told me I have been where you are.  I felt their pain and my pain but I also saw hope.

We all need a little hope.

PS…here are some of the amazing, beautiful stories I read this weekend…

Beth Moore’s Sister

OneThousandSingleDays

the argument

I shouldn’t, but sometimes I read different arguments regarding abortion.  I like to hear what others are saying, defending etc.

There is something missing.

A lot of these articles deal with arguing about whether it’s a moral choices, does the fetus have rights, is this murder.  The thread they are missing completely is the woman.

While these are valid questions to be explored, if you just take a moment and listen to what it does to the woman you would know why it is wrong and a lot of the other arguments fall away.

I read one article in particular that argued if abortion was really the loss of life then since half of conceptions end in a miscarriage then it would be one of the worst natural disasters.  Although different, I would bet these women feel that loss as strongly as a woman who has had an abortion.  Even more so because they had begun planning the hopes and dreams for that little one.  And even though they didn’t make that choice, I bet their feelings are similar to the women that have exercised the right to choose.  Emptiness.  Guilt.  Questions.  Deep Longing.

So you can argue all these until the new day dawns, but the truth still remains that this is painful to a lot of women (not just the fetus).  It’s not something I made up.  It is the truth and consequence of what I did.  A temporary fix.  A lot of empty promises.  Regret.  Shame.  Loss.  These were not washed away with abortion, but created because of my choice.  No one at the clinic put that on a pamphlet!

hope rekindled

It is easy to become disheartened and discouraged in this fight to help women who have been hurt from the heartbreak of abortion.  Women have to want it, but they also need to know where to go.  Where they will not be judged.  How do you put your trust in someone you do not know?

Sometimes the best thing I have is the word of my testimony.  I speak from my heart because I have been there.  This is not a political issue it is a humanity issue.  It is about broken people walking around with an empty spot in their heart.

I am sick of people on their mighty pulpit telling me how to feel.  Telling me that all this was for me.  Telling me that I should feel fine, that I should be happy now.  If I hear that it was a bunch of cells and not a baby…again, I might throw up.

I am not telling you how to feel, but to feel.  We all experience this differently.  But a lot of us relate to one another as we share our painful secret.  In the places God has healed us we are strong and mighty.  We are no longer weak and wear shame as if it is a fashion statement.

I see a new day dawning and I am excited for what’s on the horizon.  Make no mistake it is a fight and I will not stop fighting.