It isn’t a simple procedure. It isn’t just tissue. It’s a hurt, a pain, a deep loss that we feel we are not worthy enough to grieve because we did this to ourselves. We made the choice…so the wound festers and infects deep into our being spreading to our thoughts, actions, attitudes, and to those around us.
Children are born around us everyday. If we had stayed the course we know what would have happened to the fetus in our womb. It would have become our child. This is a fact. I don’t believe any human gave birth to a llama. Sometimes I think we suffer in silence as a sort of punishment to ourselves. It’s hard to release ourselves from the prison walls we built around us. A fortress. But we must if we are ever going to be healthy and be free.
Those that fight for abortions don’t know what they are fighting for. Really.
If only they would take the time to talk to a post abortive woman. They would see it in our eyes. They would see a woman that hasn’t told a soul about their abortion. A secret they planned on burying for the rest of their life. When we hear the word abortion we glance around and wonder if anyone can tell. Will I be found out?
We aren’t proud of our abortions. We aren’t glad we were given this choice.
But this secret we try to push down comes bubbling back up. We feel the pain at baby showers, when our nieces and nephews are born. In a way we are jealous of pregnant women when we know we lost our chance. Some feel guilt when having children after an abortion.
You don’t forget the one you left behind.
It’s a journey. One that I had to learn to surrender my secret. I had to forgive and allow God’s forgiveness to wash over me. His work on the cross was sufficient for me and my abortion. He set me free from my prison so that in Christ I can truly live.